Aku Bukan Jemsbon

2012-01-15T21:52:00.001+08:00

My cellphone is one of those 'buat baling anjing pun confirm mati'. so if I actually spend my time tolerating and going through the keypad and the stupid dark screen to type and send you a message, you deserve... to feel honored.

Kedai Kak Bibah

2012-01-09T03:11:00.000+08:00

Hai nama saya Kak Bibah.

Saya warganegara Siam. 19 tahun dahulu, saya datang ke Malaysia dan bekerja dengan Mak Ngah sebagai pembantu rumah dekat Shah Alam. Masa tu Imran baru lahir, saya lah yang jaga dia. Cebok berak dia, mandikan dia, suap dia makan.

Time tu saya tak reti masak pun. Langsung. Ada sorang jiran depan rumah Mak Ngah ni dia caterer, pastu ada sorang mamat Siam ni kerja dengan caterer tu. Nama dia Awi. Kitorang bercinta. Lepas tu kitorang nak kahwin, saya dengan dia pun berhenti kerja. Kahwin dekat Siam. Hehehe.

Kini, saya dan Awi mengusahakan sebuah warung kedai makan makanan Thai dekat KL. Ala, tomyam tomyam tu. Saya masak sedap gile sekarang. Awi yang ajar. Saya ada dua orang anak dah.

Tadi Mak Ngah datang makan dekat kedai saya. Diorang memang macam dalam tiga bulan sekali makan sini. Sebenarnya banyak lagi saya masak tapi Luqman tak ambik gambar kot.

Lepas tu diorang pun makan makan makan. Sampai kenyang. Pastu macam biasa, bila Mak Ngah nak bayar, saya tak nak ambik duit. Saya memang selalu camtu. Saya kata "takpee Bah belanja Imran" Mak Ngah insist pun saya lagi insist. Dan macam biasa jugak, saya menang! Diorang makan free. Hehe.

Pastu ambik gambar dengan Imran. Tak sempat nak buat peace. Tapi muka kitorang cam adik beradik kan? Datang la kedai saya lain kali.

of Kabsa and Barbican

2012-01-08T07:47:00.001+08:00

This is Maryam. She is leaving to a sekolah teknik in Seremban this Monday. We had a dinner last night as a tribute to Maryam for her achievement in PMR (kan?) and also because we were hungry!

Mekye's friends, Maz and Nabila were there as well.

Good news for Kawthar and Nasyrah, they can have the house all to themselves after this. with Lela. and Lela can breathe a sigh of relief too. Less laundry and less dishes and everything also less.

Knowing everything isn't always good

2012-01-07T14:27:00.000+08:00

We don't really have to know everything. because knowing everything isn't always good. and we don't always have to TRY to know everything. Especially about something people don't want us to know. And especially about something that we know will make us unhappy.

When people don't want you to know something, that's it. Quit asking and quit searching already. They know what they're doing, they know why they're not telling you. Otherwise the result will be unpleasant.

Some stories are better left untold.

Learn to let go. By that, I mean learn to let go of the desire to know. Maybe you're just not meant to know about something, because maybe the second when you figure it all out later, you'd be truly upset. Devastated. And then you will regret your actions. You'd wish you didn't know what you didn't know earlier. But guess what? Memories are not easily erased. Unless, maybe, if you're a computer.

And so you just don't have to go beyond. Beyond what is already meant for you to know.

Macam. Contohnya, this child is suspecting that he is adopted. Dia bukan anak kandung but his family never told him anything. So he looks into the matter, investigate and everything and it is finally proven that he's not an anak kandung. And then he gets upset and, decides to gantung diri.

That was just a stupid example. I exaggerated to make it somewhat clear. Maybe in real situation, ummmm maybe this girl is stalking her crush's facebook wall, all the time, to see if some other girls are chatting with her crush, yet only to arouse jealousy in herself. What do you get after all? Isn't that one of the stupidest things to do? Doing something that you know very well is going to upset you?

Well, most people want to be happy, in case you didn't know.

Another thing is about trying to korek something that people don't want you to know. Everybody has secrets. You have things you don't want people to know, too. Try to think of what would you feel if somebody actually figures out something you've been intending to hide. A secret, is a secret, for a reason.

This thing, is a very good portrayal of 'there's a Hikmah for everything that happens'. You know, there's always a good reason why you're not meant to know about something no matter how badly you want to. After all it's not like you're losing your life if you don't get to know everything.

A tray of french fries

2012-01-06T09:58:00.003+08:00

Recently, well, yesterday I went to meet these friends. (from left) Dean, Dila, Azzam and Luqman. I.. I don't know, I was probably just the camera. or something. The last time we met each other was about one and a half years back. and now Alhamdulillah, as is obvious to you, they are still alive, and healthy, and happy.

Dila and Azzam are doing their licenses now and Dean is the only one working. She took a day off to meet us so we owed her some donuts. er...not really. and then we went outside to get some allegedly fresh air.

that's all. It was entertaining. One of the things that I should be grateful about them is that they are among the very few people that are not intimidating to me. You know how I'm an awkward dork when it comes to interacting with people. I got along pretty well with them and that's, cool.

After what felt like a day

2011-12-22T21:45:00.000+08:00

'Awkwardly nice' — Natasha Shaneena.

Something I Wished to Have

2011-12-21T01:50:00.000+08:00

I've been thinking all the time that it would've definitely been excellent if my family and I were living in a place where everything was in close proximity. You know, a practical kind of neighbourhood. An actual one, where you don't have to get ready one and a half hours earlier than the rest of your friends for school.

Where you don't have to worry about catching the school van after school — because you can always walk home if you're late.

Where you'd have no difficulties at all when there's extra classes, and co-curricular activities. You wouldn't even have to know what stayback means.

Where your best friend's house is nearby.

Where restaurants are everywhere. and where you wouldn't have to drive 5 miles to eat cakoi.

Where you can wake from sleep to the sound of Azan from a nearby mosque.

Where you'd have something to do in the evening.

and walk to the mosque for Tarawih every single night during Ramadan. Where you can reach the bazaar ramadan in 5 seconds from your house. and go back and forth.

Where you can actually live a life. Heh.

How could one not be captivated by the idea of having all that kind of accessibility? I never had any of those. I feel that it's one of the many contributing factors that I become what I am right now. One of the many. So sesiapa yang dah dianugerahi dengan kurniaan yang sedemikian, ketahuilah bahawa aku yang tidak, sangat berminat untuk swap places dengan kau.

I honestly believe, though, that for everything that happens, there's always a very good reason behind it. I stick to that belief. It brings about the recognition of Syukur. I believe that there's a Hikmah why I wasn't living a life that I think would've made me happier. Well.. it's just that I've not seen it, clearly, yet. After all, Allah knows best. And you know what they say, Allah always has better plans for everyone. for all of us. Because, again, He knows best. He knows best, and He knows what's better.

Y U NO Tell me how?

2011-12-16T09:57:00.002+08:00

How to forget me huh ._.

21 people are single!

2011-12-04T02:07:00.001+08:00

manakala seorang lagi disyaki gile talak.

Deal with it #1

2011-12-02T08:11:00.001+08:00

You know how Indians always sound very excited when they're talking amongst themselves, and you, who out of nowhere just happen to be there, just standing there in the mean time trying to figure out what the excitement is all about.. . . . and you know how the Chinese, tend to look incomprehensible, they look so blank it's impossible for you to read their expression, and when they start saying something in Chinese to their husbands or something, you cannot fathom a thing.

That, to me is unfair .__.
The thing is they might be talking about you. out loud, just like that.

I don't really have anything against this but just, if only my brain could actually digest foreign conversations. It's like when you're playing with your pet cat and then it meows to you and you think it wants you to cuddle but what it actually says is something like "you stink".

Alamak toyol.

2011-11-30T23:34:00.001+08:00

in case you're wondering.. . . .. .

KINI DI PAWAGAM.

Rentetan Peristiwan 2

2011-11-30T13:37:00.001+08:00

Answered again!

2011-11-28T00:56:00.001+08:00

You know what? It is spectacular how Du'a always works. An empty, unhappy day all in a sudden turns meaningful at the last possible moment. It is amazing. Subhanallah. To unexpectedly feel content after a whole day of desolation, and to finally be able to decisively feel the atmosphere of serenity, are the coolest things that could've ever happened to anyone.

We need to be grateful, we need to be composed, and we need to believe.

How come lah?

2011-11-25T17:44:00.001+08:00

As much as we want to believe this, we all know that it's just a piece of divine crap, don't we? If this was true, I must have been missed by a whole lot of people because I dream pretty much every time I go to sleep, and people from every nook and cranny have appeared in my dreams. Most of the time I dream about robbers. So robbers are missing me, I see.

And I also dream about the same people that I meet everyday, again and again. Why would they miss me? That'd be creepy.

Besides that, it doesn't at all make any sense, even psychologically I'd say, because, okay I would consider accepting these lame extenuating gedik facebook quotes stuff, if it actually said something the other way around. Honestly, when you bump into this particular psychological 'information', do they make any kind of sense, to you? Can you not see how ironic this is?

Even if a dream about a person means something, we are the ones who should've missed the people in our dreams, we must have been thinking a lot about them until they appear in our dreams; the remaining thoughts about them are still not leaving our minds. THAT, may make a little sense. However, I don't go for it either, because to me dreams sure do have meanings but they cannot be definite.

You don't define other people's dreams. You don't dream what they dream, in fact they themselves wouldn't have any idea about their dreams to say the least. You're just, not God.

And it's cruel when people, you know, girls, are actually waking up feeling happy, thinking that those people in their dreams are missing them. And how silly is that?

Pardon my ignorance, again, but They. Don't. Miss. You. Perasan.

Implications:

If a person appears in your dream, then the person misses you.

If a person misses you, then the person will appear in your dream.

Hands down, FALSE statements.

Ada sorang jiran aku ni

2011-11-25T16:45:00.001+08:00

Seorang nenek yang membela kucing. Banyak gila kucing dekat rumah dia. Belasan ekor. Kalau nampak mana mana kucing tengah lepak dekat sini, tu tak lain tak bukan, nenek tu punya. Nenek tu tinggal sorang- sorang dekat rumah tu. Kucing kucing dia tu la teman dia kot.

Tengok tak The Stepfather? Ingat tak nenek yang bela kucing yang kena bunuh tu?

Ha lebih kurang macam tu la. Tapi ini, bukan nenek tu yang kena bunuh.

Kucing dia yang mati. Tau tak dia buat apa bila kucing dia mati? Dia buang macam tu je dekat bawah pokok depan siket dari rumah aku. Dah dua kali bibik aku kebumikan bangkai kucing dia.

Tak tau lah apa rasional nenek ni buat macam tu. Mungkin dia tak larat nak bercangkul gali lubang nak tanam kucing dia. Atau dia tak pernah tau pun kucing juga patut diberi penghormatan bila dah mati. Atau yang paling ngeri.. . . .. .. . dia bunuh kucing kucing dia seekor demi seekor. Mana tau? Seorang karnivor yang makan kucing sebagai makanan ruji. Misteri.

How can they act like it's real?

2011-11-18T18:53:00.001+08:00

Funny how a person can actually be a victim of their own deception. How can you know a girl for only a week and then you're already making up your mind to spend the rest of your entire life with her? How is that sensible? How could you, indulge yourself in hypocrisy, going to ridiculous lengths and disclosing your feelings (which is actually equivalent to demonstrating your stupidity) to the world every other 5 seconds only because some pointless enthusiasm has made you believe that you love her? How could you do that to yourself? Let me be enlightened.

The way these things work today, is just stupid.

SPM is in 3 days

2011-11-10T00:40:00.000+08:00

jsyk

I don't really have anything to say. I've had resuscitating lessons on a lot of things throughout this, prominent year. I've been blessed with the finest bunch of educators, favored with the dopest companion, endowed with the best of health, and Allah has been answering to my prayers, a lot— asking for more would've seemed invalid. I'm just hoping that we're going to be able to do it with ease, in calm. :-)

The Effectiveness of Being Grateful

2011-11-07T16:11:00.000+08:00

I once went to a motivational programme, and one of the speakers told us that by opening the door of Syukur, that is to say, by being grateful and by thanking Allah for the things that we have, we can always be happy and calm. Being happy and calm. Would you ask for more?

But at that particular moment, his message didn't really make that much sense to me, because, well when you go to talks like that, they're always delivering cliched stuff you hear from every other random person, you tend to take whatever they say for granted. As in, aaaah yeah, syukur? Aha, true that.

And as I'm speaking, you, my reader might as well be taking this for granted, aren't you? This, as in this entry? But someday, I promise you, there will be the moment, when you realize that you haven't actually been so much of a thankful servant, all the while trying to own things that you think will make you happy.

I found this circulating on facebook :

You think you're not pretty. There's always someone uglier.

You want more money. People are in poverty.

You want a boyfriend. Someone doesn't even have parents.
You are hungry. A child is starving.
You want to go to the mall. Someone is looking for anything they can wear just to stay warm.
You're chilly. Others are frozen.
You just want to die. Most people want to live.

So don't waste your time on things you think you want,

because there is always someone out there who needs it-much more than you ever possibly know.

Your being able to be reading this right now is already something to thank Allah for. For having the internet connection. For having copious spare time others might kill for. For being able to understand words.

Be grateful. Look at the things that you have. Imagine what would it be like if you're blind. or sick. or homeless. And it is never sinful to be wishing to own more. As long as you stay in the perimeter and you're not making yourself unhappy. Pray. Allah listens.

The better way out

2011-10-26T05:35:00.001+08:00

What’s for lunch?! is the everyday thought romping on my mind the second I step into my home sweet home. It’s an intriguing feeling to be curious about what the ‘house people’ have prepared for my meal.

My love for food is invincible. Mind you.

“Masak apa?” I would ask. And above all kinds of replies, I’ve always been preferring to hear, “Hari ni tak masak.”

That, would’ve made me happier, way happier than to hear anything like “Ikan kari dengan sayur kubis” or “Ayam masak merah” or “Sup tulang.” (sup tulang? you’re joking)

No sarcasms, I’m sober.

I really do not know why, I really don’t, but I hardly feel like eating when being at home. Except if they make something that is not the typical white rice with lauk.

The one who cooks is normally my maid (meet Lela, the latest). And I’ve never, had the natural desire to have whatever that she prepared. Betul tak tipu. Tak pernah. If I eat what she cooks it’s just because I have to. I have to live.
“Hari ni tak masak” equals to a golden opportunity to be having something from outside, which is also equal to, good food.

These past few months, masakan di rumah is always boring and discouraging. Or maybe, my appreciation of taste and flavor is now turning unruly. I’m not sure what I actually want. Whenever roti Gardinea is available, I would eat them instead of the rice.

I know, there are Somalians who are starving, Palestinians who have not eaten for days and vagrants who would grin half the circumference of his head to discover sebutir nasi, babies who are born to poverty and all the poor people around who are not as lucky as I am.

I am grateful. But I’m not you, I’m not him or them. I am Luqman. I have my own fingerprints and I have my own taste buds. So how ah. That being the case my future bride should be someone who, either cooks brilliant dishes or doesn’t know how to cook at all but appreciates the seriousness of having food food. Not hamsap halfhearted “can-do-lah” food. I won't mind dining at restaurants every single day as long as no one makes me eat things I don't want to.

How do you deal with compliments?

2011-10-22T22:38:00.000+08:00

"Ali, baguslah kau. Hari Jumaat je mesti kau potong kuku. Ikut sunnah."

- hehehe takde lah, kebetulan je. Akuuu, nak ikut sunnah? Yang fardhu pun belum tentu cukup, apatah lagiiii—

"Untunglah kau, Siti. Anak- anak kau semuanya cerdik, takda lah kau susah nak pening kepala."

- Alahai, anak anak je yang cerdik. Aku ni sendiri, dengan laki aku, jahil tak nak kalah. Belajar sampai darjah 6 je.

"Cantiknya muka kau. Boleh berlakon dalam iklan, serious."

- What the. Cantik kau kata? Nak pandang cermin pun aku fikir dua tiga kali weh.

-----------

Mengutuk diri sendiri tak menjadikan kau nampak macam ciri ciri mendapat kemanisan iman pun. Tak jadi wali Allah pun kalau buat camtu. Kan? Jadi rasa rasanya apa yang patut kau buat kalau kena puji?

Jap cuba bayangkan.

Ada orang kata kau pandai. Ataupun ada orang kata kau bagus sebab nampak yakin bila kau bercakap. Atau, pun, orang cakap dia tak pernah langsung nampak kau tak siap homework. Macam mana nak respon.

1. Well, you know moi.

2. Haih baru tau ke?

3. Kalau nak berjaya memang la kena bersikap macam aku.

4. Alah bisa tegal biasa.

ke? atau pun

1. Hehehheehe (tak tau nak cakap apa pastu tukar topik cakap "hari ni panasnya lain macam ye")

2. Um? (pura pura pekak)

3. Kutuk diri sendiri macam dekat atas.

Aku rasa kesemua tu tak bagus. Dan memuji orang pun, kadang kadang bagus tapi kadang kadang dalam keadaan tertentu boleh jadi menyusahkan orang.

Aku pernah dengar orang yang bila kena puji dia cakap "Alhamdulillah."

Segala puji bagi Allah. Aku rasa, tu lah sebaik baiknya, dan ditambah dengan terima kasih.

Lagi satu benda, kita sebagai orang Islam tau kan, siapa muhrim dan siapa bukan muhrim? Siapa yang kita boleh salam, siapa yang tak boleh. Kecuali kau jahil atau kau buat buat tak tau atau kau buat hukum sendiri.

Sebenarnya macam mana nak elak dari salam orang yang bukan muhrim, lagi lagi kalau dia dah hulur tangan?

1. Ada "pendapat" cakap kita perlu tolak, selagi tak menjatuhkan air muka orang tu. Sebab menjatuhkan air muka/ memalukan seorang Muslim yang lain pun satu dosa besar. Habis tu?

2. Tapi lagi baik kalau sebelum dia hulur tangan, kita sendiri sediakan zon selamat.

Jauhkan jarak sikit supaya tangan dia tak sampai kalau nak hulur pun
Pegang sesuatu supaya dia nampak yang tangan kau penuh dan batalkan niat utk salam kau
Masa mula mula nak greet tu, habiskan dengan ritual sopan yang lain seperti tunduk, senyum dan undurkan diri
Buat tangan mcm ni pun boleh jadi signal yang kau tak bersalam

Pandai pandai buat. Hendak ehem ehem, tak hendak ehem ehem.

Akhir sekali, kita sendiri, sesiapa pun, janganlah offer nak salam orang yang tak sepatutnya.
Nak share dosa eh?

Involuntary Side Duty

2011-10-08T00:42:00.000+08:00

Do you ever wet your bed at night?

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

Don't ever, feel bad, about being a bedwetter, okay? Just raise your glass and smirk like a boss. It's not our fault that.. I mean it's not your fault that your freaking thing is leaking when you're sleeping (did that rhyme?) I mean how are you supposed to know it's happening, right? Who on earth would be aware and is able to respond to their surrounding and be consciously awake, when they're sleeping? Enlighten me.

And I have this feeling that it's actually having something to do with genetics and heredity so you may want to refer to your parents. Chances are that if you're a bedwetter, one or both of them may be one too when they were your age. There, you have a friend :-)

Parents, friends, brothers and sisters, please, don't blame them and don't make fun of them. It is not their fault. And it's not even fun to them. Walk in their shoes and you'll know what it's like. They have no idea. Zero. Null. They go to bed just like you, except once in a while when they wake up they find their bed and their pants drenched, soaked. And what are you thinking? They purposely discharge their urine on their bed? Because they wouldn't walk five steps to the bathroom? is you nutz?

And, bibiks, shut up already! It's your job anyway to do the cleaning.

However, bedwetters, as a means of prevention, make it a habit to go to the bathroom and empty your bladder before going to bed. Don't drink bottles of water and sleep right away, knowing that you're potentially going to piss yourself, and then wake up wet and ask what is wrong with your pipe. You're not a bozo.

You know what, I've been through this exact thing so I can pretty much speak on behalf of the unfortunate, or the rather exceptional beings. We are seriously not doing it on effing purpose in case you haven't grasped my meaning.

Healing is a process. In fact actually there's no healing because we don't really know the method of getting rid of this norm and as far as I'm concerned there isn't any. But it goes away as you grow up.

Using A Public Restroom The Right Way Part 1

2011-09-26T20:03:00.002+08:00

1. Know your stall.

Choose one that is the cleanest (or normally, the least dirty) and the most convenient (well 'convenient' doesn't really sound rational when it comes to public toilets in Malaysia but you know, most convenient in the sense that, it causes you the least difficulties) stall and keep to it. This is to be applied when you're at a place that you visit frequently, like your school.

Aspects to be in consideration when choosing your stall:

a. Functionality of the tap (it releases water)

b. Availability of a hose

c. Functionality of the flusher

d. Overall usability (lockable door, etc) *sometimes instincts work

Keep to the same stall and only lose your loyalty to it when it becomes like the other stalls.

2. Do not open the toilet lid if it is closed. You do not know what you'll discover inside. There might be a, baby in there. No. Just don't take the risk. Walk away and use some other toilet. And don't tell me to flush it first to make sure nothing is in there and that you can guarantee it's safe and not gross to use. First of all a baby would never make it through. And even though there's no baby, and whatever that's in there has been sucked or anything, are you sure that you won't mind using a newly flushed efcjhBbsds? I don't think so.

3. Do not sit right away on the toilet seat. It's disgusting.

Look, we're not trying to be racist or whatever here but can we be real for a second? You wouldn't know who used the toilet before you. Or maybe you do and that's even more disgusting. Do you want to get infected? You don't. You do not know what kind of itch, smallpox or whatever the previous people have.

You are there, because the situation makes you be there. So you do not want to get home getting some disease from a toilet seat do you?

Line the toilet seat with toilet paper. or in the worst situation, (readers who cannot stand gross suggestions skip to the next line) clean the toilet seat first, with water, before sitting on it. By worst I mean when there's no tissue paper in the toilet and you don't have any or you do have but it's not enough.

4. Do not just sit and read your Reader's Digest and forget about your body excretions.

When you're going number 2, you will basically take a long time. Just so you know.

Do not let your poops linger in the bowl while waiting for their friends! Flush. Flush, flush. Flush every time. That way you can avoid from occupying the room with your signature smell. And even the thought of them, being there, simply staying underwater like that. Isn't it...goldfish?

And except for best friends, everybody wants everyone else to think that they're only going number 1 right??? So, do it as quickly as the brown fox that jumps over the lazy dog. Do it faster than my bullet!

to be continued

Tactic Kuih Raya

2011-09-02T00:45:00.000+08:00

Salah satu matlamat kita masa raya ni ialah makan kuih raya sebanyak yang mungkin. Masa beraya, mula mula masuk rumah orang, salam salam ape semua. Bila dia cakap "jemputlah duduk", pastikan kau duduk paling dekat dengan balang balang kuih raya. Ingat.

Tunggu. Sabar. Tunggu masa yang sesuai sebelum bertindak. Jangan buat malu mak bapak, orang tak jemput pergi makan tiba tiba. Tak segan. Perhatikan kuih kuih raya yang nampak sedap. Target yang tu dulu.

Mula mula buat muka macam takde pape. Bila dengar je dia cakap "makanlah kuih raya yang tak seberapa tu", cepat cepat buat buat muka terpinga pinga carik kuih raya yang tak seberapa konon konon tadi tak perasan pun ade kuih raya pastu bila dah jumpa, buat muka macam "eh!"

Buka balang perlahan lahan, offer orang sebelah supaya tak nampak mcm tamak sangat. Selang 50 saat, buka balang yang seterusnya dan teruskan dengan kaedah yang sama.

Jangan bagi nampak yang kau rakus. Hapuskan bukti!

Tengok. Jangan tinggalkan sampah sarap mcm ni. Kau kena cover. Kecik kan sampah sampah tu bagi nampak mcm kau makan siket.

Jadi macam ni.

Faham? Secara ringkasnya,

1. Duduk as dekat as possible dengan kuih raya
2. Buat muka tak bersalah. Mata fokus pada kuih yang nampak sedap.
3. Mula bertindak hanya selepas tuan rumah suruh makan.
4. Offer orang sebelah setiap kali ambik kuih raya walaupun dia tengah puasa enam.
5. Ambik setiap 50 saat.
6. Hapuskan bukti.

Tak suka kuih raya? Penipu besar. Sebesar piramid fir'aun.
Selamat Hari Raya.

Unfriend vs Block

2011-08-26T22:37:00.005+08:00

Kalau kau tiba tiba terperasan ada orang yang menjengkelkan dan tak perlu wujud dalam friends kau dekat facebook, kau nak block ataupun unfriend?
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Unfriend. Supaya dia tau yang kau masih wujud dan bahawasanya kau dah remove dia.

Muka Hantu

2011-08-24T15:11:00.010+08:00

Pernah tak masa kau tengah sembahyang lepastu bila kau tengok corak dekat sejadah tu, selalu ada mcm bentuk muka? Muka hantu, imej penguin mengawan, bodybuilder tunjuk muscle etc. Selalu aku nampak mcm muka syaitanirojim. Ada mata, mata, hidung, mulut. Pastu aku fikir bila sujud nanti mcm aku tersembamkan muka aku dalam mulut hantu tu. Kemudian aku musykil, mungkinkah pembuat sejadah ni sebenarnya orang kafir yang sengaja nak bagi aku tak khusyuk?

Sebagai contoh

You know what I'm saying? heehhe (gelak serak)

Questionable

2011-08-23T18:27:00.002+08:00

I trust teachers. I regard a particular teacher as someone highly skillful in whatever domain they're involved in. But at the same time their credibility is in some way, fragile.

In 2006 when I was to sit for UPSR there was this tuition teacher who was (supposed to be) teaching me English who liked to tell ghost stories very much. She, yes she, was this married young woman who worked at a bank or something and tutored for maybe, some spare cash. Back in those days I surely enjoyed her stories and everything but now when I think again, what do you think you're doing, telling scary stuff when you're supposed to teach us? It was okay if she's trying to briefly brighten us up or something but she literally spent like 25 minutes out of the one hour period to narrate her ghostly experiences, yet in BM. and her stories kind of had sequels.

Another English teacher was this Indian Muslim guy, who was teaching me for PMR. He was quite distinctive, I don't know, there's something about him that I cannot describe that gave me uncomfortable feelings, but I didn't hate him. His smell, his bizarre hair and how his voice always suddenly raised. The main thing was his smell, he didn't seem like a smoker but he smelled like something. The moment when I decided not to accept anything that he taught, anymore was when he told us that "tables", the plural noun of "table" should be referred by "it" instead of "they" because "tables" do not live, they're not breathing. "They" are just for humans. Wat the. .. ... .
I doubt his sense of humor.

At the very same place in the same year, there was also this Sejarah teacher. I can still remember, his class was on Wednesday and I disliked attending his lessons, it made my lungs feel very heavy as though they were hauling some sacks of sand in each of my steps towards the class. His ability to remember dates of all those historical events and stuff actually creeped me out, having lessons with him made me want to sleep and he kept repeating the line "baik kalau kita lihat ye", he would scribble everything that came out of his mind onto the board, arrows, text and dates. He was a nice person, he looked like a father whom little boys would love to tell redundant stories to. Look, humans are existing in many different characters, behaviours and ways of doing things, but his, just didn't appeal to me. I didn't hate him but I don't think I've learned anything from him.

Do you have it lah bodoh?

2011-08-19T23:52:00.008+08:00

The urge to address everybody around you as Lah Bodoh. You do? Look. A man in his right mind would never want to be an idiot. Nor to be called as one, in either case; dia bodoh atau memang tak bodoh. Bodoh is an adjective that means lacking intelligence.

It's nothing like a faddish slang anymore, to me the behavior now seems more like an unconscious ritual. Cakap lah bodoh macam kau bernafas. Because it has become your second nature. And to have a nature like that, is unfortunate.

It would have been completely okay if each person you're calling bodoh willingly accepts your remark, and embeds it in their soul. Hence they become stupid, end of story. Smug.

The thing is nobody would want to. And every time you utter the B word out of your voice box, and through your lips out to the open space, but the expected recipient rejects the 'bodoh', at the end of the day who do you think will the bodoh return to? You. Sedikit sedikit lama lama jadi bukit, eventually you become stupid. Smug.

Swear less one. Ramadan some more. And Allah knows best.

Substitute

2011-07-30T01:23:00.002+08:00

Saya sekali lagi mencadangkan hidangan seperti di bawah.

sedap. gile

I wasn't born in vain

2011-07-04T22:38:00.005+08:00

It feels good to have everything to yourself. And it feels really, gratifying, when what you see as interesting do not seem to be seen by others in the same way. Because people perceive brilliance differently. You know that you are one of the very very few who could actually understand and see the uniqueness of a person, when unfortunately to the rest of the world, that uniqueness itself appears to be buried deeep in their, honored blind spot.

My favourite people that circle in my orbit are among the best beings in the world. I thank Allah for that. And I look up to the very few others who are also able to appreciate the special values that I appreciate; whose interpretation of 'awesomeness' is similar to mine; whom I'm affiliated to by mutual amity.

I think that would back my standpoint, I know exactly what I'm doing and my existence would've just been pointless if I am to dislike everything that you dislike. You wanna talk about norms? I didn't ask anyone to accept the associations that I develop, and I do not require idiots to tell me anything.

I regret nothing.

Don't give up praying because Allah is always listening, Allah Never Sleeps, Allah is Forgiving, Allah is Merciful, Allah is Beneficent.

2011-06-22T05:20:00.004+08:00

Judgment Rules

2011-06-19T15:56:00.013+08:00

It's a tough thing dealing with a stupid person when they're very nice at the same time. You'd feel bad hating them because they treat you very nicely. Does kindheartedness really have to come together with extreme stupidity? It seems better if the person is idiotic and also bad, there's no need to have anything to do with them at all.

or maybe it's us who become too judgmental and bother to judge everyone like a boss. or we are the ungrateful hairy apes. I'm always bringing you into issues that I have to theorize, pick your nose if you mind.

Talking based on personal experience, it actually gives self-satisfaction when you judge. You see that very awkward couple? They must have been married by force. You see bruises on your teacher's face? Oh she must've been beaten by her husband. You see those rascals? They were born by accident.

That bunch of Bangla is coming your way, quick, hold your breath!

Did you see how our quest for knowledge on something we want to know really badly, demands our own judgment? When you tell yourself the most relevant and closest possibilities of why 'this and that' is 'like this and like that', you'll at least be a little satisfied.

Because of this nature that we possess in ourselves; we judge people, people are also judging us at the same time, in fact even if you don't judge, who cares, they'd still judge you. We are very much aware that people judge each other so that, makes any behavior and actions depend on judgment.

I wouldn't use black ink pens, they'd think I worship Satan. I know the answer but I cannot pronounce mayonnaise so I am not volunteering. I wouldn't sit with them, I had PJK just now, I don't wanna offend their nostrils.

But we have otak and this is one of the many many ways it works so what can we do.

bu•dak

2011-06-16T20:36:00.002+08:00

Google Search Suggestions

2011-06-07T21:34:00.010+08:00

Aku cuba buat eksperimen search suggestions menggunakan beberapa perkataan di www.google.com.my dan ini hasilnya

1. Memandangkan macam ramai sangat je yang nak check saman, ape kata aku tolong ringankan beban diorang. Jap nak umpan

nak check saman
nak check saman
nak check saman
nak check saman
nak check saman
nak check saman

ok biar sape search nak check saman terus masuk blog ni hehe. Tak pernah dengar MyEG ke? Sape suruh park kereta tak bayar kan dah kena saman.

http://www.myeg.com.my/ <- gateway to bayar saman

2. Dan memandangkan semua nak kurus, nak kurus nak kurus, biar aku tolong ringankan beban diorang jugak, ringankan berat badan diorang.

nak kurus
nak kurus
nak kurus
saya gemuk saya nak kurus
cara/langkah/usaha/kaedah kuruskan badan cepat
kurus dalam sekelip mata
nak lari dari masalah kegemukan
nak stabilkan body mass index

ok. Macam ni. Semua yang rasa macam nak kurus ni, saya ade penyelesaian untuk puan puan dan puan puan sekalian. Sila serahkan lemak dan kalori anda kepada saya dengan kadar tergesa gesa. Sebab aku kurus dan aku perlukan lemak.

http://www.pos.com.my/pos/appl/service/sub_poslaju.asp (PosLaju National Courier)

Bak kata pepatah, orang haus diberikan air, orang lapar diberikan nasi. Ini lah kot yang diorang namakan win-win game.

Selain masalah saman dan kegemukan, sebenarnya kemusykilan masyarakat pelik pelik dan menghiburkan seperti

Lepas tu aku buat dekat www.google.com pulak dan

Poverty based on my understanding

2011-06-01T20:05:00.000+08:00

There was a time when I saw this handicapable guy, he didn't have any legs, both were just not there and he moved on a skateboard with the help of his hands which he was very lucky of still having, and he was selling some, 'items' at a surau where this whole thing took place. I was wondering, what were those things he was selling, and I speculated why, are people like this always selling stuff that would anyway eventually end up.. tossed into the recycle bins, even if people drop in in the first place, it wouldn't have been more than just because of mere sympathy.

I shouldn't have thought that way, he didn't have legs which most people do have, I didn't know anything about him and yes, I should've thought of what if I had to walk in his shoes, or wait, what if I don't even have the chance to think of putting on any shoes, like him.

But I was thinking that he's actually better than those who are, having every part of their bodies that work just well, but choose to beg, decide to gamble their life to be determined by public kindness, sitting along the sidewalks, do nothing, make the most sorrowful look on their faces and spread out hands, bumming for money off passersby. I am strongly rebuking this kind of uncivilized folks who I, with 100% honesty, think are plainly worthless, or so they're making themselves look like. Because to think that it is okay for them to beg as long as they live because they are indeed poor, like "I am destined to be poor, I am destined to beg no matter what I do I'm never going to be a minister", to describe that, it is actually that kind of obnoxious way of thinking that makes them what they are.

Begging is not Islamic. I don't even think it is Halal in Islam to beg. Do you think Allah created us so that we will grow up and go around scrounging free meals? I don't. I don't think we were created to go roaming from door to door. It seems "much easier to suggest solutions when you know nothing about the problem". Imagine a feeble woman with a sick baby being kicked out of her house by a ruthless husband in a stormy night. Well, however at the same time I am also aware that we, Muslims, should see to the needs of this beggars if we are approached by any, and it would be a sin for us to dismiss them, we shouldn't curse or mock them. That's clearly wrong. But that doesn't mean we should in any way encourage beggary.

Then there's zakat. And sadaqah. Which, one of the main purposes is to help the poor people. So, Islam does have allocations for the fakir and miskin. But again, this is not suggesting that we recommend poverty. On our side, it's an obligation to help the needy sibs in our Muslim society. But on their sides, they should do something to bring themselves forward.

And I've heard of people speculating, kenapa orang miskin suka beranak banyak banyak. Not to mention the paupers themselves that complain and whine over how very unfortunate they are. As far as I am concerned, Allah knows what us, the servants are able to endure. We wouldn't be tested with tasks beyond our capability. It's about what we do to undertake the snags.

smirk.

2011-05-22T20:44:00.006+08:00

Apparently my unnatural ironing expertise can never be denied nor overcome by anyone. I am unable to work out why others could not care less about creasing properly. A double crease is a humiliation.

Doa Harian

2011-05-21T15:31:00.005+08:00

1. Doa ketika bangun dari tidur

"Segala puji bagi Allah yang menghidupkan kami selepas mematikan kami dan kepadaNya kami akan kembali."

2. Doa ketika menanggalkan pakaian

"Dengan nama Allah."

3. Doa sebelum masuk tandas

"Dengan nama Allah, Ya Allah aku berlindung denganMu daripada syaitan jantan dan syaitan betina."

4. Doa ketika melihat cermin

اللّهُمَّ كَمَا حَسَّنْْْتَ خَلْقِيْ فَحَسِّنْ خُلُقِيْ

"Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku sebagaimana Engkau telah mengindahkan kejadianku, maka indahkanlah akhlakku."

5. Doa ketika keluar dari tandas

"Aku memohon keampunan daripadaMu."

6. Doa ketika memakai pakaian

"Segala puji bagi Allah yang memakaikan aku (pakaian) ini, dan memberi rezeki kepadaku tanpa daya dan kekuatan dariku".

7. Doa sebelum makan

اللَّهُمَّ بَارِكْ لَنَا فِيْمَا رَزَقْتَنَا وَقِنَا عَذَابَ النَّارِ

"Ya Allah berkatilah kami pada apa yang telah Engkau rezekikan kepada kami dan jauhkanlah kami dari azab neraka."

8. Doa selepas habis makan

اَلْحَمْدُ ِللهِ الَّذِيْ أَطْعَمَنَا وَسَقَانَا وَجَعَلَنَا مِنَ الْمُسْلِمِيْنَ

"Segala puji bagi Allah Yang telah memberi makanan dan minuman kepada kami, dan telah menjadikan kami tergolong dalam orang-orang Muslim."

9. Doa ketika keluar rumah

"Ya Allah, aku berlindung denganMu supaya tidak sesat atau disesatkan, menyeleweng atau diselewengkan, berbuat aniaya atau dianiayakan, bodoh atau diperbodohkan ke atasku".

10. Doa menaiki kenderaan

سُبْحانَ الَّذِي سَخَّرَ لَنَا هَذَا وَمَا كُنَّا لَهُ مُقْرِنِينَ . وَإِنَّا إِلَى رَبِّنَا لَمُنقَلِبُونَ

"Maha Suci Tuhan yang telah memudahkan kenderaan ini untuk kami, sedang kami sebelum itu tidak terdaya menguasainya. Dan sesungguhnya kepada Tuhan kamilah, kami akan kembali."

11. Doa sebelum belajar

"Ya Allah, bukakanlah ke atas kami hikmat-hikmat-Mu dan limpahilah ke atas kami khazanah rahmat-Mu, wahai yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Penyayang.

Wahai Tuhanku, tambahkanlah ilmuku dan luaskanlah kefahamanku.

Wahai Tuhanku, lapangkanlah dadaku, dan mudahkanlah urusanku."

12. Doa masuk rumah

"Dengan nama Allah kami masuk dan dengan nama Allah kami keluar dan kepada Allah kami bertawakkal.

13. Doa sebelum tidur

"Dengan namaMu Ya Allah, aku mati dan aku hidup."

14. Doa apabila terganggu dan terkejut ketika tidur atau rasa kesepian

"Aku memohon perlindungan dengan kalimah-kalimah Allah yang sempurna daripada kemurkaanNya dan azabNya, daripada kejahatan hambaNya dan daripada hasutan syaitan-syaitan dan daripada syaitan mendekatiku."

(Collected from http://doaharian.blogspot.com and a few other sources.)

Cadbury Muchabytes

2011-05-14T10:43:00.008+08:00

Your challenge is to complete the tasks and earn points as you play. The more you play, the more you earn. Once it's game over, your game points will be recorded and you can choose to play again to top up your score or proceed to the redemption page to redeem prizes. The games are very easy and earning points is so simple that I was bored and quit on the first challenge. To play the game and for more information, go here http://apps.facebook.com/cadburymuchabytes/?type=discovery or click on any of the Cadbury ads on this page.

Weekly prizes

What the game looks like

it's a Facebook app. Good luck.

Food as a basic need

2011-05-11T20:53:00.004+08:00

Now I am going to tell you the truth. Actually it has always been about your mouse clicks. Now that campaigns are running in my blog, I feel the urge to post something. Yes because I am in the state of desperation, I need money to buy diapers for my babies. My wife needs to eat something at least better than her own toe nails. And I want to eat too. I have been starving for seven consecutive weeks and the last thing I ate was a strand of black, healthy hair that I found while sweeping the floor of the office that I'm working at. You are right, my family members, we are all already bald. I only have my two thumbs (without the nails), the rest of the fingers are all fed to my children. We eat body parts. So before our mouths become the last thing that we eat, you better have some sense of humanity and be considerate and contribute your clicks. At least if you click an ad and they pay me five cents or something, even if it's not enough to buy any material that looks like food to most of you the stingy people, at least we can eat the coins. They're even providing us with the nutrient called zinc. Strengthen our bones and stuff but the bottom line is, click. Please. Trust me when I tell you that I'm typing this with only my thumbs. Think of my kids. Think of their fingers. Now we're considering on tugging our eyes out.

Kenapa orang suka kata dia belum study kalau orang lain tanya dah study ke belum.

2011-05-01T18:19:00.006+08:00

Persoalan yang pertama, kenapa orang suka tanya kau dah study ke belum?

1. Sebab taktau nak cakap ape. Taknak awkward, tu soalan yang paling selamat selain "ape cer".

2. Sebab dia nak carik geng. Dia akan rasa lega bila orang tu jawab belum, walaupun dia memang dah agak orang tu akan kata belum. Sebab dia pun belum.

3. Ataupun dia nak orang tau yang die dah study. Sebab lepas orang tu jawab belum, memang wajib akan tanya balik "Kau?" Dengan bangga dia boleh kata dah.

Berbalik kepada tajuk hari ini. Kenapa orang selalu akan jawab belum?

1. Sebab memang belum.

2. Sebab tak nak bajet. Dah study pun, cakap belum. Mungkin kalau dia cakap "dah" lepas tu nanti tengok tengok result macam tahpape, dia malu sebab dah study awal pun takde guna.

3. Atau, sebab nak poyo. Sebenarnya dah ready dah tapi saje kata belum langsung. Nanti bila result A+ je semua, konon konon belajar last minute pun boleh dapat result yang hebat.

4. Dia rasa cool bila kata belum. Skema lah study study ni semua. Tu, maksudnya takde matlamat hidup.

5. Sebenarnya dah baca sikit, tapi kalau dia kata "sikit" nanti banyak tanye pulak. Baik cakap belum, habis cerita.

Dan benda yang paling bodoh untuk diperkatakan ialah, "Kau dah pandai takyah study pun takpe."

Noise

2011-04-30T02:31:00.002+08:00

Do our brains grow bigger as we grow older?

2011-04-23T19:24:00.001+08:00

The answer is yes. You are welcome.

I need to be under pressure to do revision. I cannot remember clearly what I actually did in 2009 when I was to sit for PMR. I think I started going into intense cramming in July. But that was PMR, which was to a certain extent, easier.

Now that midyears are approaching, should we still stay calm? Should we???? This is not a matter of unimportant concern. Pad your chest and ask appetite. The previous tests were insignificant. The system was a deception I have no idea. The results were out of nowhere admirable.

Bile tak tahan nak terkencing baru nak pegi toilet. Very commonly conceptual. We are applying the same thing or ok this doesn't have anything to do with you. This is the nature that is embedded in my soul but I believe there is cure. You know what I'm trying to say? I will only move when I have no other choice- you don't expect me to stay calm in my seat dan shhhhhhrrrr kencing kat situ do you?

And now I hereby pronounce that I am currently under pressure. Last but not least? I just wanted to tell anyone who is reading, that one of the biggest victories is to finally succeed to crack your hardest knuckles. The sensation is beyond description.

Prosedur Angin 3 Penjuru

2011-04-23T06:44:00.001+08:00

Di mana ada kemahuan di situ ada jalan.

Kecantikan perempuan bukan pada auratnya.

2011-04-19T15:14:00.003+08:00

Lindungi Penyu

2011-04-09T21:32:00.004+08:00

Cuba bayangkan kalau kita, manusia membiak secara bertelur. Dan daripada beribu ribu telur yang keluar dari seorang ibu, hanya beberapa je yang survive.

Tapi belum sempat pun kita keluar daripada cengkerang masing masing, ade orang lain datang dan ambik telur telur tu dan jual, masak, dan makan.

Betapa bodoh. Jangan sentuh telur penyu.

Ganu.

2011-03-23T23:32:00.003+08:00

Mu nok gi makang kentang?

Rentetan Peristiwa 2

2011-03-20T13:52:00.005+08:00

lol

The only reason why I am still storing her in my friend list is because of stuff like this. At least people like her make me entertained— without even trying.

Rentetan peristiwa 1

Mutualism Shortfall

2011-03-17T00:18:00.004+08:00

If I am allowed to remark on beauty, this would be the only thing that I want to know :

Which sleepy dead to the world halfwit on earth, approved this woman to play the one-in-a-million girl character?

because clearly, we’ve seen like 999 999 others like her out there even if there’s only a million in the population — and count the guys in.

And I am starting to miss (the people at) school. Four days to.

Batas

2011-03-15T00:01:00.002+08:00

1

Kepada yang tak tau. Aku dah belajar dengan ustazah aku, lelaki dengan lelaki dan perempuan dengan perempuan pun ada aurat yang perlu dijaga iaitu antara pusat hingga lutut.

Maksudnya Ali haram tengok dari pusat hingga lutut Abu, dan sebaliknya dan Siti haram tengok dari pusat hingga lutut Aini dan sebaliknya. Kalau nama kau lain pun haram jugak sebab tu contoh je.

2

Perkara kedua, cikgu Math masa aku form 3 bagitau satu Hadis :

Rasulullah bersabda dalam hadis riwayat At-Thabrani yang bermaksud, "Adalah lebih baik seseorang lelaki itu berasak-asak dengan seekor khinzir yang berlumuran lumpur atau tanah busuk daripada dia bertolak-tolak (mengeser-geser) bahunya dengan seorang wanita yang tidak halal baginya".

Jadi kalau kau nak beli pape dekat kantin atau koperasi atau nak naik bas atau van atau KTM atau nak masuk muzium atau nak berebut air kena catu ke apa apa elakkan berasak asak dengan perempuan/lelaki dan kalau die yang berasak asak dengan kau, jangan panggil die babi sebab babi tak bersalah dan diorang lebih teruk dari babi hakikatnya.

3

Dan yang terakhir, larangan bersentuhan lelaki perempuan bukan muhrim.

Dari Maqil bin Yasar .a. berkata; Seandainya kepala seseorang ditusuk dengan jarum besi itu masih lebih baik daripada menyentuh kaum wanita yang tidak halal baginya. (Hadis Hasan Riwayat Thabrani dalam Mujam Kabir)

Tusuk kepala dengan jarum besi. Tembus tengkorak, kena otak. Apa kata kita sebagai orang Islam hidup dengan cara Islam. Takde takpe takpe.

Grub

2011-03-13T20:27:00.004+08:00

Ha. Nampaknya adik aku Kawthar (gambar #4) dah insaf.

Gardeners

2011-03-11T15:58:00.002+08:00

Good teachers intrigue me in a really good way. One of the things that make me all agog to learn a subject is, it goes without saying — the vibes from the teachers' energy to teach us the oblivious students. They have to be enthusiastic and cool at the same time I don't know how that works, but they just have to and all my teachers actually are.

Now the next thing I am all for is how they put their enthusiasm and coolness into a comprehensible teaching, their ability to make everything they're delivering able to be understood. because we need to understand.

My favourite subjects are (ordered by preference) English, Bahasa Melayu, Chemistry, Islamic Studies, Maths and Principles of Accounting.

I am blessed to have a lineup of very excellent teachers to keep my interest in education. There is the very friendly and interesting Puan Yasmin to teach us English, whose classes I've always been looking forward to. There is also Puan Nazlina, the undoubtedly talented and determined BM teacher. She's also really encouraging. Puan Norhayati, one of my favourite teachers. I didn't know she's this awesome. She's really good in those elements and stuff. I also have the always upright and respectable Ustazah Maznah. Like everybody else in the class, I enjoy her lessons very much. Religious teaching has never been so amusing. and very well-explained.

The subjects that, I am not really into, are History, Add Maths and for the most part, Physics. Really, it's nothing about the teachers. Puan Muniswary - one of the most dedicated teachers I've met. Puan Erwani, her speed is remarkable. And she remembers names, and has the commitment to teach. Also, Puan Muzlifah, very warm and steady. The students like her.

They're absolutely not the problem.

I recently found out that I'm a complete flop for Add Maths and I've got to do something about it. I wonder how the rest of them can catch on, and I in the meantime - am crawling like a sloth.

And I do think that teachers actually pray for us, their students. NOW MAYBE YOU ARE THINKING THAT THIS IS TRIVIAL, PAY ATTENTION. Let's. Pray. for. our. teachers. <- Read that again. Include your teachers in your prayers.

I also know that 90% of my teachers are wealthy. Their manners and appearance and cars and handbags suggest that. Their husbands might own some bread factories or a sewerage company or something, their finances should've been ideal, but still, they want to do something, and they teach us. wow.

Okay I think I'll stop here and I really hope to hear from you soon.
Yours truly, skGljdxfdra (you aren't supposed to understand a signature)

2011-03-10T19:32:00.004+08:00

I like to eat bakeries. So give me a bread on my birthday. Thank you.

Number one was killed in Malaysia.

2011-03-06T18:00:00.012+08:00

I Am Number Four is by far one of the best action flicks I've seen. And Quinn or Dianna Agron was playing Sarah and she's beautiful. Worth watching.

I am fat and I am happy.

2011-03-02T06:57:00.010+08:00

I am VERY <- in red, caps, underlined and boldfaced, proud to be fat and I don't give a damn or two damns or three to what people say about my size. I am fat because I like to eat. I eat everything, not according to anything and the pyramid can leave me alone.

Everyone has been giving me a whole lot of titles and nicknames and I fucking love them all. The Walking Hamburger, The Fat and Ugly but Intelligent Guy, The Guy Whose Steps Cause Earthquake of Magnitude 10, The Glittery Cornflakes (I don't get this one) and a lot more. You can call me anything because I accept anything. It's not like you're killing me when you call me names.

I would need 5 persons to help me get up when I sit because I am fat. I walk very slowly, it takes basically 8 minutes for me to reach the canteen from my class, my class is the second nearest to the canteen. I occupy three chairs. No one sits beside me because everyone fears I would tramp on them or something. I snore even when I'm not sleeping . My mother had to buy three shirts and combine them to become one for me to wear because even the biggest size of shirt, 36 doesn't fit me. I need to use a pencil to press the keys on the keyboard because my fingers are really big I would press 6 letters at a time with only one finger. I take 5 minutes to get in and 3 minutes to get out of my father's car. I am bigger than the king bed my father bought for me, so I sleep on the floor.

I killed an elephant when I was riding on it on a school trip to the zoo last month. I killed another fat guy yesterday because he was in the same elevator with me and suffocated to death, I sucked all the oxygen faster than him. We were only going from the first floor to the second floor, but anyway the elevator didn't actually elevated even when I threw the dead fat guy out, and it said it was overweight, because I am too fat.

My family members, none of them is fat but I don't feel like an ugly duckling or anything because I said before that I am very proud. but looking at my mom I'm wondering if she was actually the one who was inside my belly, or I was inside hers? I am confused. I am really confused so I want to think with my brains on this matter right now so I'll stop here. Goodbye.

Bibliophiles

2011-02-26T19:38:00.003+08:00

I don't understand people who read thick stuff and finish within — days. They're cool like that. And the thing is I am actually surrounded by them. I am cool like that. Hehe.

No, I cannot take it. Today you see them toting their book all around, in every nook and cranny. And then the next two weeks they're already dating another thick tome. Are they human? no.

And as a rule, these people the way they think is always remarkably different; out of the ordinary. They're usually intelligent, and sarcastic in a cool way. Everything they point out, and their comebacks to your queries, are always the kind you'd never think of.

so what should we call them, the bookaholics? Because bookworm sounds like an animal.

My father. He is one of them. And I've never received anything not in the form of books from him on my birthdays. Unfortunately, aku on the other hand do not resemble him that way. My father reads stuff and my mother doesn't, so my theory is maybe when their genes bonded, it developed into this embryo or something and finally becomes me who sometimes reads, but hardly finishes anything. Put it this way; I have the interest to read, but I don't have the commitment.

Now what if two bookaholic genes fused, what do you think will be produced? pardon my Biological terms. I have no idea.

Anyway keep reading, because it makes you cool and magnetic.

The Arguments

2011-02-25T21:35:00.005+08:00

If you do not want to get married.

1. What are you? Not human.
2. You're abnormal. According to my teacher.
3. You will never experience married life, obviously.
4. You will never know what it's like to have sx. Oh I missed the letter e.
5. You will get jealous looking at married couples.
6. You are not according to the Sunnah of the Prophet.
7. You cannot write anything like "The Type of Person I Would Like to Marry."
8. People will think that you're homosxual or something. I missed e again.
9. People will also think that you're disabled in that way.
10. You will upset many (if you're hot, if you're not then there might be a few) people who wish to marry you.
11. You will not experience being a parent because you will not have children.
12. No one will look after you when you're old or sick.
13. You will die alone.

The second view.

1. You will not have to share what you earn with your wife. Would it not be more meaningful to share your earnings with your mother, the one who raised you, spent and sacrificed everything for you, until you become a person, rather than to devote your money to some lady who you only know for like 2 years, who has not really done anything for you?

2. Maybe you're abnormal but who says you must be a normal? You can be whatever that you want.

3. There will absolutely be less matters to think of. You wouldn't have to think of anything like "what if she wants to sleep at this side then how am I going to sleep like this and if I tell her then she might think that I blabla". Less problems, obviously.

4. You have the entire privacy. Decorate your house your way. Buy cars that you like. Have whatever pets in the house. Watch anything on TV. Talk to yourself like you always did without worrying of anyone to think that you're mental. You can visit your parents everyday. It's not going to look odd.

5. Less expenses.

6. Maybe, it's not going to be lively. But you have your friends. You have your parents. You have brothers and sisters who have children. Bring them to your house or something.

7. You will not go through divorces. Less birthdays and important dates to remember. Less deaths to cry over.

/

Islam encourages us to get married. In actual fact, no matter how you see something, no matter how you try to argue and look for opposite views toward what Islam has said, there lies the Hikmah behind everything. We are told to do things for a reason.

We wouldn't be allowed to get married if all marriage does is prompting trouble, or invading privacy, would we?

suggestion : If you're all against marriage, go and look for someone who doesn't want to marry too, and then marry him/her. who knows what will happen.

Fauna

2011-02-22T21:15:00.010+08:00

1. I don't kill ants. I ate one, before, though. Alive. But now I'm not killing them anymore. Except in only two situations, when they're strolling disturbingly on my keyboard, and when they peck my anatomy, because I wouldn't appreciate that at all.

2. I am not terrified by cats as much as I was before, possibly because of a good friend who introduced his friendly cats to me, and I have actually started to, be attracted to those cool critters. But there are exceptions. I would turn away if I notice any pregnant cats, or bruised cats. Recently I saw this injured, squinty-eyed female cat and I just thought it was horrendous and I could not accept it, I hope she's fine.

3. There is a pair of geese growing up outside of my house, they get hungry every 5 seconds, and when you want to give them food, they will attack you. They'd tap your feet, I don't know maybe they also eat toe nails or something. Because clearly, they're aggressive for no reason. In the beginning it was cute to watch them fooling around when they're small. Now I'm not interested to know anything about them.

u mad?

and they whine in a ridiculously high pitch. They whine, whenever they see you, thinking that your life is only to feed them. And that is an absolute foolishness.

4. I also have this little slider turtle. She never speaks to me, she's just clueless and I think I have only touched it once. Because it bites, and it disgusts me somehow. When you think again, why would you ever keep anything like that small green thing, who just sits there and do nothing, at all? I know, Imran gave it to me and I don't want to kill it and at times I couldn't believe it is still alive and I'm wondering whether it hates me, or loves me. Because I feed her everyday (if I don't forget) and I feel guilty if I don't, I just have to, because I'd clearly be thrown into Hell if I let it die.

Did you know?

2011-02-20T18:46:00.005+08:00

1. If you do not have a nose, you cannot wear spectacles.

2. It is particularly ironic when you're looking for your specs, because you actually need them to look for stuff.

3. Did you know, that there is a mammoth on the ceiling of my room?

I is not lying.

4. I have been raising a relatively big amount of money out of only coins without even realizing it, until today.

and I spent my time totting up the pennies, they total up to RM106.26

5. Then I started to examine the coins. It was intriguing. Now look at them carefully.

Each of them has a unique pattern inscribed on the reverse, with the theme of the Malaysian traditional items. The reverse of the 50 cent coin is a wau, 20 cent has the tepak sirih reverse, 10 cent with the congkak reverse and the 5 cent coin has the gasing reverse.

reverse reverse reverse.

and as I was inquiring into this, I also found out that the 1 cent coin is made up of bronze clad steel, whatever that is, while the rest are made up of cupronickel, and it has the image of rebana ubi as the reverse. That sounds like a food.

2011-02-16T22:20:00.001+08:00

Kalau orang tak faham lawak bodoh aku, aku tak tau nak buat ape. Dah segan.

Kita Memberi Orang Merasa

2011-02-15T15:06:00.006+08:00

Tekak yang menerima adalah lebih nikmat daripada tangan yang memberi. Jadi apabila kita beli makanan kita tak boleh makan sorang. Kalau makan sorang pastu ade orang tengok, maka kita berdosa. Jadi kita kena memberi dengan ikhlas.

Masalahnya keikhlasan sukar dipaksa. Malahan kalau tengah lapar, elok elok dah beli oreo, belum bukak plastik lagi orang dah mintak. 'Mintak' tak semestinya perlu disebut, muka mintak pun dah boleh tau macam mana. Kita kena faham.

Kalau kau tak ikhlas, bila kau bagi kau tak dapat pahala tapi kau tak dapat dosa. Tapi kalau dah lah tak ikhlas lepas tu langsung tak bagi, nanti dapat dosa. Jadi untuk langkah selamat,

1. Bagi dia banyak banyak sekali gus supaya lepas tu dia dah malu nak mintak lagi.

2. Kau jangan makan dulu, kau pelawa pelawa pelawa dekat dia sampai dia rasa macam dia dah makan separuh makanan kau, nanti dia pun berundur. Lepas tu kau boleh makan sorang sorang tanpa rasa bersalah.

3. Jangan tanya "Nak?" Sebab takde manusia tak nak makanan. Kalau dia cakap "nak" maksudnya dia tak segan, kalau dia cakap "tak nak" maksudnya dia nak. Jadi tak payah tanya dan terus bagi. Kalau dia tak nak jugak maksudnya dia gedik.

"Tangan kotor"
"tadi baru lepas makan"
"takpe takpe makan makan"
"no thanks"

itu semua alasan dah basi.

"ha, boleh lah rasa sikit" <- Sebenarnya dia nak rasa banyak.

"Nah."

4. Kesimpulannya, berkongsi lah makanan jika tidak memudaratkan kerana jika kita ikhlas, kita akan dimurahkan rezeki.

Legit

2011-02-12T09:42:00.001+08:00

Discreet Obscenity

2011-02-12T01:13:00.000+08:00

Seorang perempuan dengan badan berbau ialah sesuatu yang tidak kena.

Pada pendapat saya kau sepatutnya mengambil kisah mengenai keselesaan manusia- manusia di sekeliling kau untuk bernafas. Jika kau terpaksa terus ke kelas tusyen lepas balik sekolah sebab rumah kau jauh, jemur diri di luar terlebih dahulu sampai peluh kering. Bukannya terus terus masuk kelas berhawa dingin tanpa sebarang pertimbangan.

Saya seakan akan berada di dalam sebuah tin yand padat dengan haba panas yang pengit.

Suspicions

2011-02-09T21:35:00.008+08:00

"Nothing is impossible."

1. A husband to become pregnant is impossible. The transformation of a cat into a durian is impossible. Trees to sing Waka Waka, is impossible. An intelligent fan, that's impossible. Black to be spelled a-p-p-l-e is impossible. The reaction between zinc powder and hydrochloric acid to produce helium gas is impossible.

2. Whoever that created this quote needs help. Clearly the scope of his knowledge is pathetically limited, maybe he stopped going to school when he was six. Maybe it was the World War 2, it might've been hard for him.

"If you never failed, you never lived."

1. What are you talking about? If they never lived, then who are you talking to? to the dead? You're a psycho. So clearly, this message is meant for those who have experienced failure in their lives. You want to console them upon their failure, or you're trying to comfort yourself because you failed to get your friend to notice your new fragrance, or you failed to get rid of the zit on your forehead or failed to quit sleeping in the class or anything.

2. I'm just thinking, does this apply to situations like when you show your Math result to your father, 36 out of hundred, and he gets furious, and you tell him If I never failed, I never lived. So Ayah, you should be grateful that I failed because at least you know that I have lived. That, all this while it's not a ghost you're talking to, it was my genuine self and my failure confirms that you were not having hallucinations or any mental disorder, because well, I did exist and I still do. Can that quote stand for hopeless sons like that?

3. So, let's make a slogan. Failure for life

"We were given two hands to hold, two legs to walk, two eyes to see, two ears to listen BUT why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find."

1. Now what about the only one nose, is it like you're going to go and find an additional nose, or snatch up someone else's nose and place it on your face, or would you travel on a journey round the world to find the other nose? or maybe you already have two noses. Just so you know, we the normals have only one.

2. Then what about the only one navel on your belly? Where is the other? What about the only brain that I'm having? If I am to go and find another brain that was allegedly given to someone else, where do you think should I place it? On my left arm? Help me. I don't think there is any space left in my head for a new brain. I'd also like to hire someone to look for a brain for me because I have no time for that.

3. Also, why would you go and find a heart? What do you want to do with it? you have issues. Learn to be grateful. You were born with one, so be considerate for those who need it more than you do. You know those folks in the hospital waiting for hearts because theirs are damaged, or fail to function or something. Have some consideration. In fact you should actually be a donator. Donate your heart, so that you won't have any, then you won't have to worry about not having another. Problem. Solved.

4. I am also thinking, that if you're suggesting that every part of the body is actually supposed to be in pairs, what's with the countless hair on your head, and in fact on all over your body? Or maybe you have two hairs. Only two.

/

I think I was wrong about something I said before. There are stupid people. In fact they might be just around us. It's just that, maybe we don't have to point them out. WE THE SMART PEOPLE HAVE THE MOST INSIGHTFUL UNDERSTANDING TOWARD THIS KIND OF COMMUNITY.

Macam Ni

2011-01-13T20:41:00.002+08:00

kantoi.

Kenyang Perut Senang Hati

2010-12-25T22:19:00.003+08:00

Hajah Faridah Hanum main poker.

eh tu tak payah nak hidung kembang.

Ya, tu tomyam. Sila makan di restoran tepi tasik Shah Alam. Sedap.

Mulut Busuk.

2010-12-23T21:34:00.005+08:00

Muka ayu. Bukak mulut ha ambik kau bau bangkai. Kalau ada orang nak rompak kau hembus sikit je dia dah pengsan. Lepas tu kau yang rompak dia.

Cara cara bagi mulut bau busuk.

1. Makan nugget. Lepas tu minum Milo yang dah sejuk. Pergi sekolah sembang dengan kawan. Semua tahan nafas.

2. Makan laksa lepas tu jangan makan chewing gum. Sedawa. Braak~ Alhamdulillah. Bau laksa. Hahah.

3. Duduk diam diam, jangan cakap apa apa. Jangan bukak mulut. Tak payah minum air, 5 jam. Nanti air liur kau basi.

4. Makan telur setengah masak. 2 biji pun dah cukup. Lepas tu makan buah betik.

5. Makan ikan sardin dalam tin campur bawang.

Ok dah cukup.

Lamebook and Oprah and Biebian

2010-12-16T22:03:00.003+08:00

Lamebook.com

Dah, aku penat nak copy paste. Best gilerz, pergi tengok sendiri dekat sini http://www.lamebook.com. Ni bukan buat reka sendiri macam cerita Puteri Gunung Ledang tu, ini betul betul punya.

Faces of The Last Season of Oprah

Sila ke http://facesofthelastseasonofoprah.tumblr.com/ dengan tergesa gesa.

Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber

Hehe. http://lesbianswholooklikejustinbieber.tumblr.com/

Aku Memang

2010-12-13T23:04:00.004+08:00

Aku memang suka kalau ada budak perempuan pakai baju tidur tak reti beratur potong barisan dekat 7 Eleven masa aku dah lambat nak pergi tusyen.

Aku memang suka kalau aku tengah keluarkan duit dekat mesin ATM lepas tu ada anak orang lain duduk tepi aku tengok aku tekan nombor PIN.

Aku memang suka kalau aku tengah basuh tangan dekat kedai makan tiba tiba anak beranak mana entah tak reti sabar letak tangan dekat air gilir gilir masa aku tengah sabun tangan aku.

Aku memang suka bila aku bukak lagu sebab aku nak dengar lagu tu tiba tiba ada suara lain sibuk nak ikut nyanyi sekali, lagi kuat dia nyanyi lagi aku memang suka.

Aku memang suka bila aku nak ambik duit dalam wallet aku cashier tu mengintip duit aku ada berapa dalam wallet.

Aku memang suka kalau aku tengah cakap dengan orang tiba tiba malaun lain datang tolong sambungkan cerita aku buat buat lebih tau.

Aku memang suka kalau aku kutuk orang dekat adik aku lepas tu adik aku terus pandang orang tu.

Upil Tu Apa?

2010-11-28T21:29:00.003+08:00

Tadi aku jumpa ni kat bilik bibik aku

Fakta : Tulisan semua orang indon memang sama.

Rentetan Peristiwa

2010-11-25T13:34:00.002+08:00

Haha. Bila hidup dia nak gembira.

Bercakap Tentang Jenis Otak

2010-09-23T11:10:00.003+08:00

Aku perlukan masa untuk berfikir. Kadangkala aku boleh berfikir dalam masa yang singkat, singkat macam kain minah rempitz. Kadangkala pula aku berfikir dengan begitu lama, sehingga masa dimakan sampai kenyang.

Contohnya, bagaimana hendak menyebut miscellaneous. Atau bagaimana ingin tidur tanpa memejam mata, atau memejam mata tanpa tidur. dan mengapa burung gagak tidak takut dengan manusia.

Semua perkara perlu difikirkan sebelum sesuatu berlaku. Itulah gunanya sebuah kepala yang mengandungi otak di dalamnya. Jika mempunyai otak tetapi hanya diperam seumur hidup, maka itu tidak lain tidak bukan dinamakan bahalul.

Orang-orang normal macam aku biasanya otak kami macam ni.

otak yang paling sihat.

Selain daripada otak seperti di atas, terdapat juga otak tiga suku. Macam ini :

Macam pacman.

Otak seumpama ini selalunya dikendong oleh amah-amah di dalam kepala mereka. Available space dalam otak mereka sangat terhad, sebab itu bila diajar benda baru nanti benda lain diorang delete terus. Sedikit-sedikit lupa.

Tidak kurang juga di kalangan kita yang mempunyai otak jenis macam ni :

Takde otak.

Kasihan orang yang tiada otak. Nak fikir pun susah. Sebab itulah kadang-kadang kita lihat pelbagai kes rogol, buang anak, sumbang mahram dan lain-lain sejak belakangan ini.

Aku syorkan sesiapa yang rasa dia takda otak, kalau kau nak otak pergi la download torrent ke apa ke. Ataupun bagi aku nombor kau, nanti aku bluetooth otak aku sikit dekat kau, ya.

Akhir sekali, otak yang paling menyedihkan ialah :

Otak dekat kepala lutut.

Ini lagi lah kesian. Sayangi otak anda. Gunakan dengan sebaiknya.